Posts Tagged ‘Madeline Kahn’

On Oscar night, our happiness and delight for the winners vanish in comparison to the rage that we feel for those who went home with only a magnificent career and millions of dollars in the bank, but no award. We are only a few years away from what I predict will be called Participation Oscars being awarded to all who show up, so let us relish these last few years of cutthroat competition, boycotts, and fashion victims (shout-out to Miss Rivers).

Before they eliminate the barroom brawls of Oscar rivalries, perhaps we’ll see a few more categories added to the list, and therefore I propose an Academy Award for Best Movie Line. Below we remember a few of our favorites from movies that took home nothing more than a program on Oscar night . . . but don’t let’s ask for the moon; we have the stars.

 

AnnaChr“You was going on as if one of you had to own me. But, nobody owns me, see; excepting myself. I’ll do what I please and no man, I don’t give a darn who he is, can tell me what to do. I haven’t asked either of you for a living. I’ll make it myself, one way or another. I am my own boss. So put that in your pipe and smoke it!” – Anna, Anna Christie (1930)

 

 

PublicEn“There you go with that wishin’ stuff again. I wish you was a wishing well. So that I could tie a bucket to ya and sink ya.” – Tom Powers, The Public Enemy (1931)

 

 

KlondikeAnn“When I’m caught between two evils, I generally like to take the one I never tried.” – Rose Carlton, Klondike Annie (1936)

 

 

DarkPass“You know, it’s wonderful when guys like you lose out. Makes guys like me think maybe we got a chance in this world.” – Vincent Parry, Dark Passage (1947)

 

 

TheRose“So what do you do when he comes home with the smell of another woman on him? Do you say, ‘Oh honey, let me open up my lovin’ arms and my lovin’ legs. Dive right in, baby, the water is fine?’ Is that what you say, girls? Or do you say, ‘Fuck this shit! I’ve had enough of you, you asshole! Pack your bags. I’m putting on my little waitress cap and my fancy high-heeled shoes, I’m gonna go find me a real man, a good man, a true man. A man to love me for sure.’ ” Mary Rose Foster, The Rose (1979)

 

 

NinetoFive“If you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal, I’m gonna get that gun of mine, and I’m gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!” – Doralee Rhodes, Nine to Five (1980)

 

 

Clue“Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.” – Mrs. White, Clue (1985)

 

 

Heathers“Come on, it’ll be very. The note’ll give her shower-nozzle masturbation material for weeks.” – Heather Chandler, Heathers (1988)

 

 

LarryF“Now I have a message for all you good, moral, Christian people who are complaining that breasts and vaginas are obscene. Hey, don’t complain to me. Complain to the manufacturer.” – Larry Flynt, The People vs. Larry Flynt (1996)

 

 

“He never spoke up to you, because you would never listen. I never spoke up to you, because I could never get a word in!” – LV, Little Voice (1998)

 

 

MSDTWHU EC005“You could stand there naked with a mattress strapped to your back and still look like a vestal virgin.” – Monica, 200 Cigarettes (1999)

 

 

Devil1“Is there some reason that my coffee isn’t here? Has she died or something?” – Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

Staring into the freezer under the guise of hunger was the only way to cool off when he was downstairs. The worst was when it was too hot for him to sleep, even when he was in bed over the covers with that ancient, noisy fan a foot away from his face. In his eight years, the boy had developed his own list of survival techniques, some of which were matters of life and death in his mind . . . and he was darn proud of that “stand in front of the open fridge ‘n’ freezer” trick. Only one room in the house had been blessed with an air conditioner, and it was upstairs, along with the rest of the family and all the heat.

Finally the young boy grabbed four pudding pops out of the freezer and slowly walked back towards the stairs, already knowing how to deal the cards: Mom got the vanilla; Dad and his sister claimed the vanilla-swirl; he’d keep the chocolate for himself. Appreciating the alone time he had in the kitchen, that overwhelming temperature ushered him back into the one air-conditioned room in which his parents, his sister, and the most regal cat the world has ever known had been living for most of the summer. Carefully protecting those precious molecules of cool air, he opened and slammed the door as quickly as he could, noticing that the board game had been reset on the floor. As the boy took his seat and passed out the frozen treats, his mind screamed loudly, “This time, I win!” The cat eyed the family members all with loving manipulation, unsure of which pudding pop she would soon claim for herself.

Now this game on the floor that helped the family survive the heat was not your average two-board, six-character, six-weapon game . . . no, no, they had graduated to Clue: Master Detective, which had three boards, more rooms, more weapons, and more colorful characters. The boy’s obsession with the recent film adaptation, every line in it, and all things “Madeline Kahn” started to develop at that time, as did his love of mansion murder mysteries. After the boy moved on to a brief infatuation with Neil Simon’s brilliant comedy, Murder by Death (1976), one day his father turned to him and asked, “Have I ever given you any Agatha Christie?”

Eventually the boy made his way to the well-known novel And Then There Were None, and in eighth grade he learned the joy of reading theatre when a teacher put the play Ten Little Indians on the list of requirements. As his love of old films aged along with him, both the boy and the man he grew to become were delighted to find René Clair’s 1945 film adaptation of Christie’s masterpiece. Aside from a few cuts and slashes courtesy of the Hays Code’s knife of morality, the film stays mostly true to its literary predecessors and continues to give the boy a familiar “stay on your toes” feeling . . . a feeling not unlike knowing a cat might pounce and steal his pudding pop at any moment.

Add And Then There Were None to your queue.